tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize