Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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