i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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