Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize