His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
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we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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