he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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