once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
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Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
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He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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