Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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