We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize