Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize