I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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