Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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