Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
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You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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