Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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