I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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