After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
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But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
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We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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