Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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