I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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