Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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