I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize