She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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