you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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