I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we made out on top of his cat.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
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youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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