i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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