We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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