It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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