I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize