shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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