Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
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The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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