It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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