i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Who died my cat blue again?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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