She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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