you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
