im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
