he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
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In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
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i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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