Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
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im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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