i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
