i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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