you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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