You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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