Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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