i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize