Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize