doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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