Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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