my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize