o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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