In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize