In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
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