1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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