Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
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We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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