I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize